Gratitude

Who says Thanksgiving is the only day to publicly display our gratitude?!

For anyone who knows me well...this is for you. 

I wanted to thank you for all the help and kindness you have shown me, especially over the past year. Please know that you have made a lasting impression--an impression that will help make me a better friend and person.

You've helped me learn some valuable lessons about life and myself. I've learned to recognize some of the mistakes I've made so hopefully I won't repeat them in the future. I've learned to forgive others and myself for our mistakes and confusions...or at least forgive myself if I'm not quite ready to let go. I've learned to appreciate the little things because those make such a big difference in the day to day...and they are what I miss the most when they're gone. I've learned it's ok to say no. I can't make everyone happy all the time, especially at the expense of my own happiness. I've learned it's ok to be sad...there is no shame in crying. I've learned that it doesn't make me weak to ask for help. I've learned that even after heartache, I will open my heart completely and without hesitation to new love and happiness. I've learned what amazing friends I have that know me and love me despite my flaws. You have taught me how to find patience, forgiveness, and strength even in the moments when it feels like the floor has fallen out beneath me. You have helped me feel happier and freer than I have in years. 

So to all of you...my sincerest thanks. I hope that someday I can be that voice of reason, that pillar of strength, that brutal honesty that will help keep you moving forward with hope. Love you all.

 

Also...check out http://www.sebastienmillon.com/ Love me some drunky bear and psycho ducks

Brazilian Influence

In honor of the World Cup starting, here are a few of my favorite Brazilian exports:

1. The concept of Saudade

The term has no direct translation in English. There are various definitions including a bittersweet nostalgia for something lost or that perhaps has not even happened.  At its most basic, saudade is a feeling, a longing for someone, something or some event that one is fond of, which is gone, but might return in a distant future--although the term often carries a fatalist tone that the object of longing might never return no matter how great the desire. So when someone says, "Tenho saudades de você," it's more than "I miss you." It means a longing, a reveling in the pleasure of having loved and felt the warmth of another, all while dutifully accepting the emptiness and pain of loss. Truly a beautiful and complicated concept. 

2. Paolo Coehlo. 

The Alchemist was given to me by someone special and has been a great source of inspiration.  The concept of loving even while letting go to pursue our dreams resonates deeply, especially now.  Like Fatima, I also believe in the idea of "'Maktub," which translates to, "it is written." Basically the idea is that fate will unveil itself and if someone or something is really part of your treasure or personal legend then they will appear or return.

However, as the Alchemist points out, we never lose control of our own destinies...fate and the universe will send omens and the right people into our lives, but ultimately it is up to us to determine our own paths. Our choices, our ability to not lose sight of the little elements that make up the grand scheme, and always listening to our hearts even if it means suffering are what will ultimately lead us to our treasure...our personal legends. 

And to lighten the mood...

3. Pão de queijo

I've written about this yummy little concoction before but cannot praise its perfect blend of crispy savory goodness enough.  It's my go-to gluten-free biscuit/bread of choice. It can be somewhat sticky and tricky to make, but it's definitely worth your time. You can use my recipe or try to find another one online...if you do...make sure to send me your pics and the recipe. I'm always looking to improve.

Right...well on that note...FORZA AZZURRI!!! Looking forward to a great World Cup 2014! 

Turning 30 and moving on

Officially two weeks into my 30s, and it's been a strange but wonderful ride so far.  Today marked the end of paramedic class.  As much time as it took, I should be a doctor instead of just a paramedic "candidate!"  Today also marked probably the last time I'll spend with some great people I've met along the way.  Well I guess there is always graduation on Monday, but today was the last day in class, and it won't ever quite feel the same after that.  

I've learned a lot over the course- a little about how to be a paramedic and a lot on how to reach out when times get hard or when I need a quick laugh.  I learned that I can come across as a jerk at first, but eventually people see beyond that and see me for who I really am...fun, goofy, generous, easy to talk with, and still a smartass, but a harmless one. 

Wrapping up the last 16 months of school made me realize I still have that 30 Before 30 list lingering.  As I look at it now, it seems like a whole world away from when I wrote it. Hard to imagine where I was in October of 2011!  So many things have changed...so many of my priorities have shifted. I didn't accomplish nearly what I thought I wanted (not even half!), but maybe that's not such a bad thing.

Don't think I'll be making a new list anytime soon other than to take some time for me...find my feet before jumping too far ahead.  I better tie my shoes extra tight if the rest of my 30s is anything like the first two weeks!  Just hope more amazing people continue to cross my path along the way...no matter how brief...no matter how bad their timing.  

So here's what I did accomplish from the list...

1. Take dogs camping to Carsbald (Condo on Dog beach totally counts)
2. Become a paramedic. (Need to pass Nat registry but still counting it)
3. Break the World Police & Fire Games Women's Open Hammer Record
4. Take a wine class
5. Be nicer to Thomas (you know you're my favorite German!)
6. Pay off one of my credit cards or student loans
7. Grow my own vegetables
8. Pick up a random person's tab
9. Do enough legit strict pull-ups so I can start kipping again at Crossfit Southwest
10. Go to Ireland
11. Perfect my Mandeltårta
12. Throw a theme party
13. Treat my parents to dinner

Embracing Perspective

I recently came across a post by Luminita over at Purpose Fairy. Reading through it, numbers 5, 10, and 11 really struck a cord with me. 

15 Things You Should Start Doing Today

5. Don’t settle for anything less than you’re worth

Dream boldly, act fearlessly. Build your life as if there were no limits to who you could be, do and have. Don’t settle for mediocrity. Don’t settle for anything less than you’re worth. The day will come when your whole life will flash before your eyes, and when that will happen, you will realize that you could’ve done it all, you could’ve achieved it all.

Live life fully. Dream boldly and act fearlessly. Make no room in your life for regrets.

“Do not worry if you have built your castles in the air. They are where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

10. By letting go it all gets done

Learn to laugh in the face of chaos. Stress less, live more. Detach from all the drama that your mind is constantly trying to create. Let go of all the to toxic thoughts, things, people and past experiences that are holding you back in life. Let go and be happy. 

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning.” ~ Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

11. Surrender to what is 

Learn to be soft like water. Let go of fixed plans and concepts. Allow events to follow their natural course. Don’t fight life, don’t resist it. Surrender to what is. Accept whatever comes your way with grace and appreciation. Trust the wisdom of life. 

“Acceptance of one’s life has nothing to do with resignation; it does not mean running away from the struggle. On the contrary, it means accepting it as it comes, with all the handicaps of heredity, of suffering, of psychological complexes and injustices.” ~ Paul Tournier

I am about to face some major milestones in my life and have spent many sleepless nights anticipating what these changes may bring.  As I lie there watching the minutes turn into hours, it finally dawned on me: I have lost perspective.  I have lost sight of the present by fearing the uncertain road ahead and dwelling on what might have been under different circumstances. 

The past was beautiful, tragic, and at times, a bittersweet intermingling of love and loss.  In its true nature, however, the past is fleeting.  Today I am a woman molded by my past but not so rigidly defined by it.  I will grow stronger from both the love and conflict I endured but not give into self-pity for dreams dashed out of my control.  It is time, as she pointed out above, to let go and be happy. 

The future, as always, is unpredictable.  I can prepare and plan, but in the end, life is an adventure.  My best course is to live fearlessly and graciously.   Thanks to some persistent and friendly reminders that I am indeed wicked and worthy of happiness, I have found a renewed sense of hope and confidence.  My future is no longer bound by my own perceived limits. 

Time to focus on the present.  In this moment, as I sit here watching my fingers quickly peck away at the keys, I pause to breathe deeply and listen to sound of the air rushing in and out.  In this moment, I am healthy, I am happy, and I am loved.  Surrendering to and embracing change, I can find solace in my thoughts and sleep well tonight. 

Take a moment for yourself to check out a few suggestions that might help you approach every day with a better perspective.